Stop Stopping Yourself
Issue No. 18, October, 2021
Hi There,
There are many obstacles, snags, and flat-out brick walls you can hit with any career in the arts:
- Starting your journey with no meaningful connections in your industry
- Navigating a trade with no clear road map for progress or success
- Countless talented contemporaries vying for the same few jobs
- Myriad situation-specific decisions faced with no experience to guide you
As if that’s not enough, there are also the hurdles we put in our own way. Many of these brick walls stem from (often untrue) limiting stories we’ve invented and repeated in our own heads so many times that we accept them as fact.
In this edition of The Dialogue, I’m talking about the (possibly inaccurate) limiting beliefs we hold that get in the way of what’s possible.
One-Time Workshop & On Camera Lab 2022
On Camera Lab is sold out until January— in the meantime, I’m holding a condensed virtual version of Put Your Signature on the Role. This two-day introductory online workshop takes place December 3rd and 5th.
- Apply for Put Your Signature on the Role, click here.
- Get on the waitlist for In-Person Classes at the new studio in Midtown Manhattan, click here.
- Get on the waitlist for Online Classes, click here.
COVID-19 safety measures are in effect for all In-Person activities, and proof of vaccination is required.
For all current clients, your spot is secure. No need to get on the list.
Be well,
JC
Making Things Happen
Stop Stopping Yourself
Right before taping an audition or putting a scene up in class, I’ve heard countless actors tell themselves some version of something like this:
“I’m not good at [comedy/drama/monologues/romance/etc.],
I’m going to be terrible.”
Sometimes, I point out this negative self-talk, and ask how it would feel if I repeated their words as if I were saying the same phrase:
“You’re not good at [comedy/drama/monologues/romance/etc.],
you’re going to be terrible.”
When someone else makes these pessimistic statements, it’s easy to recognize how destructive they are. When we say them to ourselves, they feel like truth we can’t escape.
These are limiting beliefs. Left unchecked, these sneaky tales can sabotage our confidence, do actual damage to our performance, or even prevent taking action on uncomfortable career or craft goals.
Rewrite Your Awful Origin Story
Do you know where any of your limiting beliefs originate?
When I was an auditioning actor, I had two that went something like this:
- My performances are “too big”
- I suck at monologues
For years, these beliefs undermined my self-confidence, prevented progress in my craft, and showed up any time I faced a challenging role, an important meeting, or unfamiliar material. But they didn’t crop up out of nowhere—they formed from very real circumstances, gaining power over me through my own repetition.
The first time I auditioned for an agent, I was terrible. I was nineteen years old, nervously meeting someone I hoped would help me achieve all the dreams I’d cultivated in private, and I put far too much pressure on both myself and the outcome of the interview. I prepared a monologue, in the best way I knew how, from a Christopher Durang play that I adored, and I presented it with what I thought was confidence. The agent sat patiently, laughed politely, and told me to call the next day. I thought I nailed it. Sort of. That’s what I told myself… deep down knowing something wasn’t quite right.
When I called the next day, he immediately set me straight: “It’s a no, for now. You’re doing too much, and I don’t think you’re ready yet. I don’t want to throw you to the wolves [his words, not mine].”
What I heard: “NO. You’re too much. You are bad at monologues. Casting directors are scary, and they definitely won’t like YOU.”
I walked away with no agent and two limiting beliefs that would haunt me for years.
Here’s the truth: I was nineteen, underprepared, had no idea what I was doing, and should have sought help from a professional coach before undertaking an important meeting. The monologue I picked was a character 20 years outside my age-range, and absolutely on the list of titles overperformed in agent meetings.
I wasn’t yet ready to audition at a professional level, and that was okay. He actually said those things… if I’d only listened past the negative parts: “No, FOR NOW… not ready, YET”.
And instead of recognizing all of that, shrugging off the disappointment and seeking help, I spent a decade playing it small. Is it possible you’re doing the same?
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
-Anais Nin
Your limiting beliefs started somewhere… maybe with a germ of truth, maybe not. If you can identify the origin, you can fact-check the story you’ve told yourself since.
Question Your Limits
By their very definition, limiting beliefs make us smaller. They minimize our available options and maximize our resistance (to growth, progress, change).
Here are two simple questions to check in with yourself and figure out if you hold beliefs that might be getting in your way:
- “What am I shying away from, and why?”
Maybe there’s an ask you don’t want to make because you believe that asking for help is burdening others. Maybe you think moving to a different city isn’t an option because it would be too risky. Maybe there are emails you won’t send, or contacts you won’t check in with, or areas of performance you won’t attempt or improve… Check in with what you’re avoiding, and ask yourself “what feels scary or risky?” Then ask yourself “where did this feeling start, and when?”
Once you have some ideas about what might be getting in your way, it’s time to fact-check.
- “What would you change if you found out that your belief wasn’t true?”
If it turned out that asking for help wasn’t actually a burden, but made the people you ask feel like they had value to add, what would that change? If pursuing your career is risky because you’re underprepared (financially or by experience), what steps can you identify to allay those fears? If it turned out you avoid emotionally heightened scenes due to a block from an old wound, what could be your first move to heal or address it?
Sometimes you’ll find that these beliefs are based on facts (but ballooned in our imagination) and can be addressed simply by taking action. Other times, you might find there really isn’t a factual reason for them—it’s purely an emotional connection that needs reframed. Either way, fact-checking defuses the power of the belief and leads to either a solution or a realization. Both feel empowering.
Re-frame Possibility
I’m not saying anything is possible: at this point in life, I will not be an Olympic figure skater. What I am saying is this: it’s easy to believe we have less options than we really might, because of what we’ve come to believe is possible for our lives. If our beliefs make our dreams seem impossible, they often make them actually impossible.
Examining your beliefs about yourself and your potential and then questioning the validity of those beliefs can re-open your mind to possibilities that once seemed far-fetched. It takes bold steps to have a bold life.
Books of Note
CREATIVITY: The Perfect Crime
When I heard there was a book on creativity by Phillipe Petit, the man who famously crossed the World Trade Center on a tightrope, I was all in.
For someone who seems so reckless, what I found was a meticulous mind dedicated to daily practice. Humble, he is not, but this was an interesting read that sparked my own creativity.
My favorite takeaways:
- In chaos, all is possible. Every incoming idea is welcomed, with no regard for reality. Forget time, money or reason; embrace a brimming universe! Because if you start with rules, your creation will be stillborn.
- A plan dedicated to the notion of time becomes a schedule—an invaluable tool that guides my long (or short) approach to any project.
- Whatever your field of artistry, whatever training you have adopted in your daily life—whether you are a sculptor, a dancer, an athlete—you need to submit to physical repetition in order to progress.
Purchase on Amazon:
https://jamiecarroll.me/Creativity-The-Perfect-Crime-amz
Purchase on Barnes & Noble:
https://jamiecarroll.me/Creativity-The-Perfect-Crime-bn
Purchase from an Independent Bookseller:
https://jamiecarroll.me/Creativity-The-Perfect-Crime-indy
Or, check the stacks of your local Public Library.
Voices of Reason
Hollywood Reporter Writers Roundtable
Actors need great writers. And the more you learn about the writer who crafted the script you’re working on, the deeper your connection to the material.
When possible, researching the writer is a great tool to include in your script analysis, and a useful tool while doing detective work on the script.
In this video, Aaron Sorkin, Emerald Fennell, Kemp Powers, Radha Blank and Sam Levinson discuss their decisions while creating, and how they do what they do.
Listening to these writers talk about their craft and their struggles is an eye-opening look into another side of our business.